Well, a while back I said I was going to start writing on this blog… and that’s been an epic fail. I want to write more, but I’m struggling with finding the time and energy after 18 hour days of work and parenthood. A lot of stuff has also happened between then and now, so I have many things I want to write about, but I can’t figure out what to do first. I’ve started a post about Mom passing, but I don’t know that I’ll ever be done with it. All the words I try just don’t do feel good enough.
So I don’t know. We’re moving this weekend, so it won’t be until at least Monday before I think about writing again. I really would like to get Mom’s post done soon though.
I created this blog about a year ago with no intention of ever posting any content on it. I set it up by accident really, while trying to post a rant on a sports blog comment section. I didn’t know much about WordPress, or blogs at all really (at least from a writer’s perspective). I basically only recognized the website name from reading a friend’s blog. I paid no attention to my new little slice of the internet and went about my life.
About a month later I wrote a post on Facebook in the wake of the Sandy Hook massacre. I spent a good amount of time on it, as much as a father of two small kids with a wife in school can anyway, and received a lot of positive feedback and was pretty proud of myself. I’ve always felt like I was an above average writer, and it felt good to write something that people enjoyed reading. I remembered the WordPress account, and for a few days thought about starting a blog.
But as I thought about it for the next few days I began to have doubts. When would I find the time to write? Why would anyone care to read what I write? I’m definitely not a creative or artistic person by any stretch of the imagination. I can’t draw, build a cool Lego creation from scratch, or even come up with a witty team name for fantasy football. If a task requires the right side of my brain, I’m usually in serious trouble. Because of that I’ve always had a huge fear of looking stupid when sharing the few things I do create with the world. So I let life get back in the way and forgot about the blog idea.
Then last week a funny thing happened to me. I was asked on the spot to close a group prayer at our Sunday school class, something I had never done before in a formal church setting. Even though I was amongst friends and family this terrified me (public speaking has always been a major problem for me), but I certainly wasn’t going to say no. I stumbled through it, my voice cracking and my mind struggling to place my words. As we left the classroom I felt incredibly relieved. I had made it past my fear and, with the help of some kind words from my sweetheart, felt really good about my contribution to the prayer. I can’t explain the connection, but it made me want to write again. I suddenly had the same good feeling that the Facebook post gave me. I haven’t been able to shake the desire to write since, and it’s not going away this time around.
I don’t know how often I’ll write, nor do I have a direction I want to take it. But I do know that I want to try something different for a change. I feel like there’s a reason I was asked to close that prayer, and that I’m being called to step outside my comfort zone in many areas of my life. This feels like the right place to start.